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I am back with an entry…and if you know what i use this blog for, you know that it isn’t really a good thing.

It seems things are on a slippery slope now. Is it all downhill from here?

All through this relationship so far, i am seldom the one making demands, telling her what is wrong and what i am hoping she will do. I try my best to accept her as she is. I try to be patient, not to lose my temper and even if i am on the verge, i let it slip fast so i won’t say anything wrong. I give in far more than i normally would. If we were in the initial stage i can definitely see myself turning away even before it starts. It’s the case of like seeing something u like..buying it and realising it is not exactly what u thought it was.

Not enough attention? I tod i gave her plenty.

Short tempered? I think she is tons worse than me.

There was a point in time when this song seems to describe my feelings. The feeling of why am i suffering while she is already carrying none of the heartache….hopefully i dun ever get this feeling again…..

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don’t believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don’t break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that’s gonna put her first
While I’m wide awake she’s no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don’t break even, even no

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
what am I suppose to say when i’m all choked up and you’re OK
I’m falling to pieces
I’m falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop me bleeding
Cos she moved on while I’m still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it dont break even

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I’m tryna make sence of what little remains
Cos you left with no love, with no love to my name

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
Just prayed to a god i don’t believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don’t break even
No it don’t break, no it dont break even, no

1,2 – 1 2 3 4
give me more lovin then i’ve ever had.
make it all better when i’m feelin sad.
tell me that i’m special even when i know i’m not.

make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
barely gettin mad,
im so glad i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy,
as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that’s what i’ll do.
i love you.
(i love you)

give me more lovin from the very start.
piece me back together when i fall apart.
tell me things you never even tell your closest friends.

make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
best that i’ve had.
im so glad that i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that’s what i’ll do.
i love you.i love you
(i love you)
you make it easy, its easy as 1234
theres only one thing two do three words four you i love you
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
thats what ill do i love you
(i love you)
i love you i love you.
one two three four i love you.
(iloveyou)
i love you
(i love you)

最后一次

在我最后一次 闭上眼睛之前
我想对你说我爱你
在你怀里 舍不得放弃
心里有千万语还没说给你听

我使尽全力 不想闭上眼睛
这次告别就不能再相遇
不能再陪你 但不要忘记
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去

先走了 去了好远的地方
不能再陪你看日出 等不到天亮
所有回忆 抹去 却并不容易
生死由天决定 不要太伤心

在我最后一次 闭上眼睛之前
我想对你说我爱你
在你怀里 舍不得放弃
心里有千万语还没说给你听

我使尽全力 不想闭上眼睛
这次告别就不能再相遇
不能再陪你 但不要忘记
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去

在我最后一次 闭上眼睛之前
我想对你说我爱你
在你怀里 舍不得放弃
心里有千万语还没说给你听

我使尽全力 不想闭上眼睛
这次告别就不能再相遇
不能再陪你 但不要忘记
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去

我 永远 爱你。

爱。无力

最后我们分开了
虽然还是朋友
但做回朋友的情人
想摆脱关系不太容易
寂寞成了习惯
习惯靠着孤单
想念该遗忘
不该在身旁
陪着我的每个夜晚
我只想
对着夜空轻轻的呼吸
问自己最爱的人到底在哪里
在慌乱中
翻箱倒柜寻找记忆
有一种
爱它曾经住在我心里
陪伴我熬过多少个无声哭泣
不懂爱情
我的心如此无力
其实我很清醒
其实我很冷静
看着眼泪滴落在手心

How would you react when u know a another guy/ girl is interested in your other half? Would you be disgusted? Angry? Nonchalant? Upset?

What if you actually knew the person and despite him knowing full well that the r/s between u and the person he likes, he still goes ahead to msg him/her sweet things and he could even pretend as if nth is happening in front of you. What is he is a really really close friend?

Would you have reacted differently if one day your friend told you he/she is in love with someone who is married or attached? Would you encourage him/her to pursue his love? Do you believe that in love there is no right or wrong…that if you love someone you will pursue him/her. Or are you the kind who believes that there are certain boundaries in which u stop urself from pursuing the person even if he/she may be your perfect match..your true love.

For some perhaps this is a simple morale question. For others perhaps it’s a question about how far you will go to pursue the person you love. Which is more impt…love or morals?

Well…i have been having problems with photos i upload via firefox to FB…they always seemed extremely washed out from how i edited them in Lightroom or photoshop.

Mystery finally solved today.

Firefox does not have colour management. But firefox 3 does. Opening the photos in Safari looks exactly like how i edited the photos but they looked different when opened in Firefox.

Colour management is not automatically enable in Firefox 3, you have to download colour management tool.

Also..you have to open the photo in photoshop and ensure you have the correct colour profile tagged to the photo.

In PS, go to Edit -> Convert to profile -> sRGB -> engine: Adobe -> intent: perceptual.

Try it and see if it works for u…

HDB Pricing

This letter is COPIED from a forum. The note below is written by the author of the letter and not by me.

Note for readers:
1 Reproduced below is the full text of a letter to TODAY Voices section — which was rejected(read: censored) for publication for the obvious reason that the writer had exposed ‘The HDB Flat Pricing Scam’ (which not many S’poreans are aware of).

2 Key Issue — The HDB (under $2m Minister Mah Bow Tan) had used the clever term ‘market subsidy’ to confuse buyers of HDB new flats into thinking their flats are ‘heavily subsidized’ (Mah’s own words) by the PAP Govt.
In fact, there is no ‘cash subsidy’ at all and the HDB is actually raking in a cleverly-disguised profit !

3 For greater public awareness, please help to forward to as many people as possible and ask them to do likewise (for ‘the multiplier effect’).
More informed voters can then vote appropriately at the next 2011 General Elections to send a strong message to the PAP Govt to provide truly-affordable housing for the people.

Original Text of my email letter to TODAY newspaper:

In his letter ‘Resale flats out of reach’ (TODAY Jan 17), Mr Anthony Tan highlighted the problems faced by many first-time HDB flat-buyers. Allow me to trace the root cause behind their dilemma.

As a 60-year old educated Senior Citizen, I surf the Internet regularly to gauge the true concerns of young Singaporeans, who are mostly hesitant to speak up openly.

I empathise with their growing despair on home ownership. Many are resigned that private flats are now way beyond their reach. All they simply want is a basic no-frills inexpensive flat — with enough money left to decorate it to their own personal taste into a cosy home!

However, even with HDB flats, they are caught between the devil and the deep blue sea — either wait 4 years for ‘expensive’ new flats or else pay ’sky-high’ prices for resale flats. They are rightly concerned that a $1 million HDB resale flat may not be that far-fetched.

One worry is that, despite such high prices, few buyers will feel the pinch immediately because up to 90% of the cost can be financed by long-term home loans stretching up to 30 years.

So many seldom give a second thought that if they borrow, say, $300,000 under a 30-year loan, they could ultimately cough up nearly $600,000 in total capital and interest repayments.

Another worry: If a young couple have to sink so much of their hard-earned income and CPF savings into their brick-and-cement flat, how much monies will there be left to raise a family and sent their children to university — not to mention providing for their own healthcare and retirement needs in their golden years?

In the 1970s, the starting graduate salary was $1000 per month. Then, in the HDB Marine Parade Estate, prices of new 5-rm, 4-rm and 3-rm flats were $35,000, $20,000 and $17,000 respectively. In 1990, average price of new 5-rm flats was $70,000. Such prices then reflected a ‘cost-based pricing approach’.

Now, starting graduate salary is 3 times higher at $3,000 per month but prices of similar HDB new flats have gone up by 10 times to 30 times. The massive price hikes were largely the result of the HDB switching over to a ‘market-based pricing approach’.

Since 2002, many have queried the HDB in newspaper forums on how its new flats are actually priced. Last December, the HDB finally confirmed that ‘the prices of new HDB flats are based on the market prices of resale HDB flats, and not their costs of construction.’

This is a simple-to-understand example using data from 2000, when 5-rm new flats were priced upwards of $200,000.

However, from actual tendered contracts of HDB Building Contractors, the Construction Cost per flat was about $50,000. Adding on an estimated $70,000 for Land Cost & Other Related Costs, the Total Breakeven Cost per flat was about $120,000 — which HDB should set as the selling price, since it is supposed to be a not-for-profit, low-cost public housing developer.

But, under the market-based pricing approach, HDB will first look at the then prevailing market price of, say $260,000 of a 5-rm resale flat. It will then pick a lower figure of, say $200,000 as the selling price for the 5-rm new flat — never mind if its actual Total Breakeven Cost was only $120,000.

The HDB can then say the new flat buyer is getting a ‘market subsidy’ of $60,000 arising from the difference between the resale flat price and new flat price. Notice, under such an approach, there is absolutely no ‘cash subsidy’ granted at all to the new flat buyer. Instead, the HDB is actually collecting a profit of $80,000 per flat (representing a 67% profit margin). In contrast, private developers normally earn around 20% profit margin for assuming business risks.

Most importantly, this HDB market-based pricing approach had resulted in new flat prices and resale flat prices chasing each other in an upward spiral —- that is financially disadvantageous to buyers of both new and resale flats.

Should HDB deem the above example as simplistic or misleading, the onus lies with it to rebut and substantiate with its own detailed data.

HDB should also provide its public response to this remaining burning question — Why is the HDB not really helping first-time buyers of new flats by passing on to them the substantial cost-savings from economies-of-scale in massive HDB developments through pricing new flats on a ‘cost-based break-even’ approach?

We have also since moved from small ‘pigeon-holes’ to tiny ‘bee-hives’ — extremely costly beehives, to be precise! HDB new flats are now built smaller, closer and at higher price.

The HDB itself had stopped building the larger 1200 sq ft 5-room and 1400 sq ft Executive flats. Current prices of 1000 sq ft 4-rm HDB new flats range from $200,000 (in Senkang) to $400,000 (in Telok Blangah) and up to the whopping $590,000 (in Boon Keng, under Design, Build and Sell Scheme by private developer).

Our politicians constantly exhort Singaporeans to treat Singapore as ‘home’ literally and figuratively. To help solve our Procreation Problem, young couples are also reminded not to delay marriage and have three or more children. Pray tell us how do you squeeze two parents, three children, one maid and possibly one or two elderly in-laws in a 1000 sq ft ‘bee-hive’?

When young, educated and mobile Singaporeans are short-changed on such basic ‘quality of life’ aspirations as a truly-affordable and decent-size home for their loved ones, is it any wonder many are contemplating to be ‘quitters’ rather than ’stayers’?

I see a lot of red/amber lights.

In the past i would have gladly shared my life story collected in this blog with my significant other in the hope that through this little site, she gets to know more about my thoughts and feelings.

But the past has thought me something and the current situation has deemed it not appropriate to share this with her. Perhaps i would let it remain my private little outlet to vent and share my inner feelings with jus me myself and the world and the buncha good friends who still tunes in once in a while.

I guess i am the kind who gives a 110% at the beginning and depending on what reaction i get, i start to withdraw. It’s like exposing myself fully then then realising there are some parts of myself i need to cover.

A new thought dawned on me yesterday….i am ready to sacrifice a lot of myself for this. But am i ready to give up some parts of myself i cherish very much.

A frd wrote about finding yourself so you could be ready when you meet your significant other. But does that mean giving up parts of urself so you can be the person he/she will love or does it mean being true to urself and letting her learn how to love the person you are?

Some will say we have to sacrifice parts of ourselves in a r/s and to make it work. Others will say that we should be who we are…we should be true to ourselves. We have to learn to love our partners for who they are and not seek to change them.

Which school of thought do u believe in? Or maybe a mixture of both?

There are parts of myself i wanna hold on tight to. And parts of me feels that if i give up too much i am no longer who i originally am.

Love me for the person i am, not the person you want me to be. I have held onto this believe for so long. Am i prepared to go against this which i have always believed…that if she loves me she has to accept me for the person i am.

Thoughts?

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